Ray Blanchard coined the term autogynephilia when working on how to characterize transexuals. He contrasted men with autogynephilic fantasies to homosexual men, because he found those to be useful categories when trying to understand transexuals. Labels when used correctly should only open up possibilities for people. Unfortunately autogynephilia has become a football in a debate about how to think about transgender people. One side wants to say that autogynephilia is definitely not a reason many men transition, and the other side tries to counter that by saying autogynephilia is a big thing and a big factor. And there are now even some that have begun to self-identify as men ‘with’ autogynephilia.
The biggest problem with the current debate is that it’s a false choice. When a label is used to say what you CAN’T do, that’s a recipe for a possible problem. And it’s happening with the autogynephilia label. Instead of seeing what autogynephilia was coined for, which is just to separate straight transexuals from gay transexuals their different motivations, people are saying that because of their past behavior they can’t do something different now. Simply because some of their past behavior can be characterized as autogynephilic, and they’ve taken on the label. And they try to say it won’t be good for them to change, because of that label they put on themselves. It doesn’t make sense. What’s supposed to get someone labeled as autogynephilic, is to have such a problematic fantasy life that it brings you to the point of desiring to try to change sex. Anyone in their right mind would say those fantasies have gotten way out of hand and it’s time to take a healthier path. So the clinical autogynephilic population is not the same as any random person who imagines being a girl to get off from time to time.
You shouldn’t assume having engaged in things that could be characterized as autogynephilic means you can’t still be on the path to recovery. That is not what the term is meant for. The term is there to help psychotherapists understand their patients so they can better help them.
If we were able to inspect the fantasy lives of all men from the time when they were little we would find lots of ‘autogynephilic’ episodes in completely normal men. That’s because we are humans and we have powerful imaginations and we explore different things to see what feels good. And some of us have better imaginations than others. And the people with powerful imaginations and the ability to focus inside well will be more likely to eventually have their fantasy lives get out of hand. Vivid fantasy lives might get out of hand for some people when they’ve wished to believe in delusions passionately, instead of wanting to keep themselves firmly grounded in reality.
Autogynephilic practices can be a cause of concern, because they can lead people to want to disconnect from reality. But imagining yourself as a woman for masturbation purposes is a behavior that can change, and when you want to stop enacting the particulars of it you can. And that’s good for people who’ve had that habit and for everyone else, because at one point or another we’ve all needed someone else to help us make sense of the world. And when that person does a good job they help us flourish. And you never know when you’ll need to be someone’s rock, so you need to keep your view of the world coherent.
Unfortunately our brains do not have a ‘delete all autogynephilic behavior’ button, but we can decide those particular behaviors we want to stop. And we can change particular attitudes towards things as we educate ourselves in order to emotionally convince ourselves with the truth that there are better ways to be. And with different attitudes, changing behaviors becomes easier. So you can’t delete ‘autogynephilic behavior’, which is true. But you can delete the components one by one until its all gone completely, and you are left free and able to explore better things.